Saturday, December 1, 2007

The Lover

Marguerite Duras’novel The Lover, was set in the pre-war Indochina. It is a haunting tale of a relationship between two outcasts, the young French girl and her lover, the wealthy Chinese man during the French colonial period.

Many believed that the novel was based on the life of Duras who like the narrator of the story was born and raised in the French Indochina and returned to France in their late teens.

The story is told as a remembrance of the past where events that happened and memories that were deeply embedded in her mind are often seen intertwined in her work. The reader at some point may question whether these events really transpired or just a mere product of the author’s imagination, thus, making it more appealing and engaging.

There is a repetition of words and phrases in the novel that highlights the variations of mood, memory and language that makes the reader analyze the relationship between memory and forgetting; since memory is seen here as transitory. It is in remembering that changes the dynamics of memory by building a new set of memory that sometimes leave details that constitute truth and reality.

The setting was considered significant since Indochina was referred to a large part of Southeast Asia which is now known as Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos. During the French Colonial Period these areas was ruled and governed by France.Like most colononialists, the French administrators and their families established the colonial empire. Likewise in the situation of the other Asian colonies where there were cases of intermarriages which produced half-breeds or mixed ethnic cultures often resulted to an obscured identity. They were born and bred in Indochina but they still keep their French identity because they belong to the ruling class and by maintaining their French identity they exert power over the natives of the land.

The narrator of the story social class and race delineates her perception of being different from the native people whom she lived with and that the gap (that she, being French and white) that separates her from the rest is removed because of her family’s poverty.

With regards to the nature of the narrator’s relationship to her lover, he is also an outcast just like her. The Chinese in Southeast Asia started as merchants and then became landowners and later on successful bankers and financiers. One has to consider the Chinese man has a different ethnic background with the natives of Indochina just like the narrator but the difference is that the Chinese man is rich and an heir to a wealthy fortune; he is also expected to follow the family’s customs and tradition of marrying a suitable bride and unlike her, she was dirt poor. She had nothing to depend on but her own self. But somehow their affair that began that day at the ferry crossing the Mekong river- two people reaching out having different solitudes and different cultures, they share a commonality: both are strangers in a foreign land. Over a period of time the two became intimately acquainted. Throughout the novel, the China man acknowledges his love for the young French girl, “He started to suffer here in this room, for the first time, he’s no longer lying about it. He says he knows already she’ll never love him. She lets him say it. At first she says she doesn’t know. Then lets him say it. He says he’s lonely, horribly lonely because of this love he feels for her” (Duras, 37).

It may seem that the young French girl didn’t love her Chinese lover because she often refuses to deal with her emotions when she is with her lover partly because of pride. That in their time it was considered that a white girl should not fall in love with someone different in this case with someone who is Chinese. But all these differences disappears when they go to the China man’s “Bachelor Room” , a street level apartment in a busy Chinese district in Cholon where they often meet up for a tryst. “The Chinese lover moans and weeps. In dreadful love…And weeping he makes love. At first, pain. And then the pain is possessed in its turn, changed slowly drawn away, borne toward pleasure, clasped to it” (Duras, 38). Having each other in the four corners of the room, nothing else matters, it is an escape from their troubled world and the reality that both lovers are doomed (The China man was arranged to marry a rich Chinese woman and the French girl was poor and had to rely solely on herself to ascend from the dictates of society). They could just hang unto the idea that they have each other even if for fleeting moments of desire, love and lust.

There was a high point in the novel where it showed that both lovers found happiness in a strange, foreign land. The French girl’s unmistakably happiness when she is with her China man when they go out fashionably at nights to expensive restaurants where he showers her with lavish gifts, food and attention. The Chinese man having an impeccable breeding and outstanding generosity takes out the French girl’s family to dinner. Although treated rudely by the girl’s elder brother, the China man maintains his calm demeanor.
The China man was looked down upon by the girl’s family for being Chinese. They never greeted him or spoke to him as a first person. They don’t talk about the affair, consider it as pride, racism but for many identity can only be maintained as taboo (Russell, 4).

Towards the end of the affair, there was an instance where both “lovers bathe together in the cool water of the jars, they kissed and wept…and then she told him not to have regrets…that she refused to stay with him and she did not give any reasons” (Duras, 83).

They still went to the flat in Cholon after the China man’s wedding and it was the time that it was agreed that the French girl should go back to France and continue her studies there. They behave as usual, him giving her a shower with the water from the jars and carrying her to bed (Duras, 113) but this time he can no longer make love to her because he knows deep in his mind that he will soon lose her- she who was his lover, his woman, his child as he often referred to her.

Like any doomed love affair, it leaves a bitter sweet memory where one must move on and learn from such experience of pain, fraught and love. The experience of a young girl who undeniably had fallen in love with the China man, she who was too proud to accept the truth that she lost perhaps the love of her life and all the bottled up emotions she kept to herself was wasted. Nevertheless, one must draw strength from one’s weakness to build a new life and that what she did, she became a stronger and better person.
I would like it to end it in a passage from the novel which said:

“One day, I was already old, in the entrance of a public place a man came up to me. He introduced himself and said, “I’ve known you for years. Everyone says you were beautiful when you were young, but I want to tell you I think you were beautiful now than then. Rather than your face as a young woman, I prefer your face as it is now. Ravaged.” (Duras, 1)

The novel is in itself a lyrical poetry, where human emotions were presented by a woman-child with such eloquence and power that leaves the readers breathless.


Works Cited

Duras, Marguerite. The Lover. New York: HarperCollins Books, 1992.
Russell, Lawrence. Vietnam Mon Amour. http://www.culturecourt.com/F/Art/TheLover.htm%202002










Sunday, September 16, 2007

Finding Work

I haven't been posting any blogs lately because I was busy looking for work. It has been hard to get a job in the medical field since we have a surplus lot from the job where competing for.
A lot of exams and interviews and it takes a while before they can call you. Beats me.

My friends and I wanted to work at government hospitals primarily because the pay and the benefits is higher than most private hospitals.

Until then, it would be a long wait...

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Carefree

Have you ever felt that you've always been at the top of your game and nothing can stop you from doing the things that you want to do? Well, I did and that was years ago. It was a time that I experimented with a lot of things and I was brave and adventurous. I don't know what happend to me now.

At present, I'm just preoccupied about what jobs should I take and I'm thinking of relocating again in a place I left a decade ago.

I enjoy being with my family back here in my home country but I can't depend on them for the rest of my life. I have to think of my own future.

How I love to be back at a time where I was carefree travelling and just watch the sunset.

Until then...

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Religion

I am a Christian and I am proud of being one. I try to maintain an open mind but sometimes I am also guilty of being a hypocrite myself.


I had an argument with my mom this week regarding the dvds she's watching and it's about a certain televangelist. I don't have a problem with preachers who practices what they preach and living a life of "righteousness". What I don't like is those preachers who talks about condemnation and judging other people's lives while they on the otherhand are living with skeletons in their closets. What's worse is that they use the name of God in vain to gain people's trust. These so-called preachers are also generating millions of money from their so-called ministries; it is ok if their giving it away to the poor and disadvantaged but if they are just pocketing the money and making themselves rich then, it is morally wrong.

I hope these so-called televangelists would realize that they are not only accountable for their actions here on earth but to "God who sees all things as naked and open". No one escapes the truth, in the end it will be revealed.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Mystery Money

An article caught my attention while browsing the internet. Wads of money were found in mailboxes in a Tokyo apartment building last week totalling 1.81 million yen (15,210 dollars). Was it an act of generosity or just a mere prank? The Japanese people seemed perplexed with such act of kindness. Many of those who received the money gifts reported it to the police. The police in turn are holding the cash for safe keeping just in case the philanthropist wants to make himself or herself known. I am amazed by their sense of integrity and honesty. Instead of spending the money for themselves, they have the decency to return it to the authorities.
In a similar note, money came in envelopes with writings of "do good deeds" found in men's restrooms last June in city halls and public buildings in different parts of Japan and there were speculations that the money came from a man who worked as a civil servant and that he wants to cheer up his profession. Whatever his reasons were, I believe that there are equally good people who wants to bring change in a world surrounded by greed and corruption.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Dreams

We sometimes dream of things that seems to be far-fetched but it is in dreams that we look forward for a brighter tomorrow.
My dreams are not solely mine, I share it with someone whom I deeply love. We both long to be in a place where we could exist freely. No holds barred.
I just wish I could just fast-forward time and do things that I wanted to do with my life but before that I'll just have to wait....

Friday, July 13, 2007

Being Alone

I am in a country wherein it rains half of the year. I do like the rain but it is hard to get around when streets become flooded.

I love to drive especially when I'm alone. I go to a place where the green trees are abundant and they just sort of hug you when you enter the vicinity. It is a place where I could just think or enjoy music from my car stereo. There is a sense of peace and tranquility with all the simplicity around me.

Being alone at a time when I feel that no one is there to hold me or give me constant assurances is not that bad after all, because in such predicament I find strength in being alone.


With this, I savor what life has to offer me.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Naked

Lately, I've been analyzing the songs that I really like especially that of Tracy Bonham. There are certain things that I feel that can only be explained through songs or music. Naked is one of the songs that I've been playing on my mp3 today and it goes like this:

My stubborn skin is wearing thin
I bared my soul you waltzed right in
I gave you everything and you just made me feel so very
Naked, and I can't remember how I let myself become so unraveled
I'm naked pretty as a heart ache
waiting for my second skin to settle in


I spilled my guts on your best shoes
You keep it in I let it loose
It's only love that makes me feel like getting so completely
Naked and I can't remember how I let myself become so unraveled
I'm naked pretty as a heart ache
waiting for my second skin to settle in
Your hardened heart can't hide you now
It loves as much as you allow
And in the end the eyeball army will just take you down and you'll be
Naked nothing but a heart ache
and you know there's
Nothing that can hide you now
You're naked pretty as a heart beat going out exactly how you came in.
--------------------------------
I guess, there can never be no greater feeling of being "naked" to someone standing in front of you, i mean not in the physical sense of the word but you know, letting yourself be vulnerable.

You can never be ready whenever you fall. It just comes whenever you least expect it.

Friday, June 29, 2007

El Laberinto Del Fauno (Pan's Labyrinth)

I am one of those who loved fairy tales when I was young. We have a collection of fairy tale books that I would often take out and look at the pictures. It was more fun when my Dad used to read it for me whenever he had time after work or during weekends. I didn't have a wild imagination when I was a kid. Unlike the others, I wouldn't see myself as one of the main characters. I was just a mere spectator as I am now whenever I read or watch something.

I just finished watching Guillermo del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth (El Laberinto Del Fauno) on DVD. As an adult, I thought I wouldn't like it because I've already outgrown childhood fairy tales but the movie proved me wrong. It is the kind of fantasy film that draws young and old people alike. It is dark, enchanting, magical and has a brutally sad ending that it left me teary-eyed.

The Plot

The movie opens as a fairy tale. A young girl who's wounded and almost lifeless on the ground travels in the fantasy world she created. It was set in 1944 after the Spanish Civil War. The young girl, Ofelia was travelling with her pregnant mother, Carmen to the country to live with her stepfather, the brutal and sadistic Captain Vidal. At nightfall, the imaginative young Ofelia encounters a fairy and together they went into the labyrinth and into the pit of the maze, a faun surfaces and tells her that she is a princess of the underworld where her father awaits her. But the girl has to do three difficult tasks before she could go back to her kingdom. In the series of events, Ofelia befriends the servant, Mercedes who is a communist sympathizer and a sister of one of the rebels. In a dark and violent world, young Ofelia tries to live in her magical world so that she could do her tasks and survive the harsh reality of life and hoping that she would one day be with her father, The King.
It was a sad ending, Ofelia lost her life in the hands of her cruel stepfather, Captain Vidal.
Upon the series of events that transpired in the young girl's life, she is once again free...

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Awakening

I was awakened by a text message from my girlfriend at 8:30 A.M. saying that she was already at work. I got up and fixed myself. I turned on the computer and tried to put a blog post at blogfeast and to my dismay I can't post anything. Maybe I'm not going to see any of that earnings. Maybe not in this lifetime.

It rained the whole day. The streets were almost flooded. But I do love the rain. There's something serene about it. I don't know why. I'm just happy I suppose.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Song and Lyrics



Whether You Fall

(Tracy Bonham)

Whether it's the sunshine whether it's the rain

Doesn't make a difference 'til you complain

Whether it's the water coming in from the roof

Does it piss you off that you're not water proof?

Whether you fall means nothing at all

It's whether you get up it's whether you get up

And you hate the silence as it fills up the room

And there's not much to say to your blushing groom

Maybe all eyes are on you as you finish the race

And the world sees you struggling for last place

Whether you fall means nothing at all

It's whether you get up whether you get up.


When I first heard this song I can't stop crying just like a little girl. I heard it from a Showtime series and at the start of the show, a woman was crying trying to hold on to her lover who was about to leave her. I guess you can say that I can identify with her. The feeling of helplessness, of loss, of grief, of pain and misery- all these that makes a person human.

The only difference between the character of Alice and myself was that, I was the one who broke up with my lover and the pain was just the same.


Nothing

It is 6:25 P.M. according to my PC clock. I am staring at an almost dark sky, it's the start of the rainy season. I live in a town just a few minutes away from the city.

I am a bit frustrated because I still can't find a job after six months since graduation.
Makes me think that everything that I do is futile.

I opened an account at a blog site wherein they said they will pay you for the number of blog entries you make in a month. It is not much though but if you have plenty of time in your hands maybe, you could make 10,000 blog posts in a month that would give you 100 USD of course less taxes and stuff. My problem is I can't make an entry. I don't know why, maybe I'm just plain stupid or something. So, what did I do next? Hmm... I opened an account at blogger.com Voila! I'm here and I'm making my first entry.

It's 6:36 P.M. Nothing's changed.